Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i think i just lost a toe
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
