we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
