Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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