I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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