last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
