You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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