Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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