Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
