I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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