All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
