Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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