I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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