exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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