omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
