Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
