Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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