the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Randomize
