u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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