at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
