Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
