Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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