i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
