I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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