Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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