She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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