then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
