I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
