No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
