Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
