glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
