i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
