can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
