If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
