Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
