I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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