I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he thought i was a dude.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
