my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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