Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
