My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Dignity is for republicans.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
