you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
