I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
