I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
