He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
