you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
