i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
