i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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