Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
