I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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