There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
