There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
