her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
