Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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