Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I have tasted many bathrooms
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
