Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
