i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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