id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
